sweet dreams

:: announcements

Thank you for visiting sdsoft.org! Our old Web site was lost in an unfortunate server crash along with all the backups. I am currently in the process of rebuilding the site. This new site will be fully packed with new menu options including a online discussion forum, Bible study lessons I have prepared, events going on in my life, sdsoft.org old school downloads, various links to some of my favorite Web sites, and a brand new blog keeping you all informed of the latest news going on in my life. Please bear with me as I continue to get sections back up and running on this site. I thank you for your understanding.

:: blog entries

August 25, 2006

I know it has already been ten days since my last blog post. Since my last post, not too much about my situation has changed. I still find myself living out of this hospital intensive care unit waiting on the arrival of my new heart. God has certainly blessed with me with plenty of time to spend with him.

If you have stayed any length of time in a hospital you know how easy it is to just get depressed, upset, or even angry and take it out on the one we love the most, family, friends and sometimes the nurses that are taking care of us. Well since my last post I found myself with a day just like that. It is interesting to just watch God's work too. I just recently finished a study in Philippians and you know what? It is just what I needed to be studying to prepare myself for going through that day of just losing a grip on the positive attitude I have so strongly grasped ahold of.

This past Tuesday, August 22nd I woke up with probably the most painful mouth sores I can remember. Now yes, these sores were nothing but my own fault, not being so careful when I was eating and biting my lip but it was the perfect excuse I needed to be grumpy. As the day progressed on, of course the pain really didn't go away or anything but seemed to get worse if anything. On top of that pain, it was the first day that I hadn't received a single visitor. Now the doctors and nurses were all telling me to somehow get a Listerine and some milkshakes to help clean the sores and to help soothe them a little bit. But after several phone calls, just no luck when it came to getting someone to bring me these two items. See, to me this was a very big ordeal because I made two mistakes that day. Being upset at not having visitors and not finding someone to bring me the items I needed, all on top of the pain, really made for a perfect excuse to be a jerk to anyone and everyone around me.

During the weekend before this particular "grumpy" day I had finished up my study in Philippians and remembered that in that study I learned the EXACT two lessons I needed to learn to help me through this situation. Philippians 2:3-5 states that we should NOT do things for our own selfishness and NOT simply look out for your own personal intrests. This was something I was certainly doing, on that 22nd, I wanted it to be about me, I was in pain, I wanted more attention and I simply wasn't getting it. That verse also states that we SHOULD focus on the intrests of others and to take this attitude because it was the attitude of our Christ Jesus. One thing I have told every visitor that has come to visit me and ask me about my faith is that I am a Christ follower. Well the attitudes of Christ are the attitudes we should have in our hearts to be a Christ follower.

Now the other lesson learned really is probably the real smack across my head because the verse that hit me is one of my personal favorite verses, Philippians 4:4. Yeah, I said it myself, I was grumpy when I should have just been rejoicing in the blessings that God has given me instead of putting on a pitty party for Aaron. Philippians 2:14-15 states that we SHOULD do all things WITHOUT grumbling or disputing to show ourselves as innocent children of God to become the light in this world, that's correct, be Christ followers.

See, I found numerous parables to my life now and the life of Paul in Philippians. Paul was stuck in prison much like I am stuck here in this hotel like hospital room. Paul had ever excuse to moan, whine, grumble, and complain about the situation he was in, but instead the Bible says Paul rejoiced in the Lord. That's right, REJOICED! That is very much like me, I have a lot of excuses to be grumpy and angry at the situation I am in but yet, I am to rejoice to the Lord. You may ask how can I do that, well one trick that really works for me is to just look at the other patients in the hospital who have it worse than me as far as their healt h is concerned. A guy next door has an artificial heart pump implanted into his abdomen and has trouble walking, a guy across the hall has fallen into rejection following his heart transplant and there is a picture of a young man that passed away because he never lasted long enough to get a heart. You now can see it is much easier for me to rejoice, I am walking, eating, having fun with friends, so on and so forth. God has certainly blessed me. Oh, and imagine this, I can rejoice because I know God, I have a relationship with Him while I know there are many on this floor that do not, how scary would that be for them? Now it is my job to share that message to them and to rejoice that I even have that opportunity.

Keep up the prayers out there and thanks for taking the time to keep updated on my situation in here. I will try to keep this updated as often as I can. No other real updates to provide to you guys but I know one thing, God is in control.

August 15, 2006

Well, this is my first blog entry on this site. I apologize that it took me this long but those of you who know me know that I have been going through a lot of stuff in the past several months.

First off, let me explain to you a little of what I have been going through. You may or may not know that I have been dealing with heart difficulty since the day I was born. I was born without my right ventricle. Before I was a teenager I had already pulled through three open-heart surgeries. Well back in last October of 2005, I found out that due to my constant in and out of an irregular heart rhythm I was going to have to endure my fourth open heart surgery. Going into that procedure the doctors were very open with me and informed me that this surgery would hopefully correct the irregular rhythm problems along with strengthening my heart. Following the surgery I found out that I was being called the "poster child" since I did so well in the surgery and was recovering perfectly. Out of the 91 of these surgeries they had done, I was the best result they had seen.

The surgery did properly correct my rhythm problems but I later found out at the end of last February that it did not strengthen my heart. If it did anything, it weakended it. Needless to say I was pretty bummed. I ended up getting readmitted to the hospital and it was then that I found out that I was closing in on needing a heart transplant, otherwise, I would be dead. My heart was just plain running out of gas and it was only a matter of time.

Well to speed this story along, here I sit now in the Sentara Heart Hospital in Norfolk, Virginia. I must take a brief break from the story and brag about my room a little. I have a plasma screen TV, hard-wood floor, full bathroom, couch, and a view that is pretty amazing. If that isn't enough, if I have a bunch of friends come hang out I can rent out a multi-purpose room with a huge plasma TV. As a matter of fact it was great to use for a game night put together by my friends last Friday night and for the Redskins football game Sunday night. Anyways, I am pretty much living here as I wait for my new heart. Many of you as you read this probably are now wondering how I am hanging in there with all this stress of knowing I am sick and being stuck here in the hospital but I will be the first one to tell you that this has been an amazing time God has used to teach me some new things.

When I first found out about this transplant situation, I must be honest, I was very upset and sort of took a negative approach to it all. I was bummed, a little scared, all of it is understandable but not acceptable. However, the days leading up to my being admitted to this hospital I started making a signifigant life change. You see, I am a Christian. I have considered myself to be one for years now. I have never questioned it but my habbits are to give up on our loving God when things turn bad for me. Yes, I know now that this was a very selfish attitude to have, my way, NOT God's way. Well me trying to push God out of my life this time (unlike many times in my past) was a complete failure. You may be asking "why?" Well it is simple, I had myself so surrounded my believers that there was not going to be any running this time. I was literally encircled in followers locking me in what I would have called a prison of Christians. Little did I understand, that was exactly where I needed to be and exactly how God wanted me to be. My turning point was a night in which the elders of my church met with me and my family and friends and annointed me with oil after I confessed all my sins to God and the people around me. This may sound very funny by in James 5:13-16, it talks about how God promises us already that if we are righteous and call upon the elders of your church to annoint your body with oil, God says "you WILL be healed." To me I found this amazing, it wasn't God saying "he would choose whether or not you would be healed" but "you WILL be healed." I find this statement very encouraging, it is nothing but a straight up promise from God. The same is stated in Matthew 21:22 when Jesus promises "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you WILL receive." That is so awesome to me. Our God isn't a "your will God" He is a God of promises.

After this realization it became clear to me that in order to pull through this entire process of waiting upon the Lord for a new heart and the surgery itself I must change my attitude to one that is considerably more positive. Since I have been in the hospital on this current visit, I have started a routine to just help me keep my focus on God and I must say I now see it as a blessing to even be in this hospital. Of course, the statistics are wonderful for surviving heart transplants here but thats not the blessings I am talking about. I am talking about the blessings of being able to share my story with so many others who are in the same situation as I am. I know I am only twenty-four but I have so much more experience when it comes to cardiac problems and how to trust God through the entire process I can just spread God's glory. It is very important that I view this situation as a win-win situation. I do! Just like it states in Philippians 1:21, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." This is the exact same outlook Paul had even when in prison. The source of Pauls joy was directly found in Christ. As for gain, that comes in the form of death, because it simply means that we get the opportunity to be with Christ forever. When Paul writes in Philippians 1:23-24, "But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is VERY MUCH better. YET, to remain in flesh is more necessary for Your sake." That states in words better than I could ever dream of of how I feel. It is very apparent that God's plan today and the last several months since my surgery in Chicago last October was for me to be in flesh because I still have more work to do for my Lord. However, if God decides it is my time to go, well that is "VERY MUCH better" as Paul says because I get to spend it with Christ.

Keeping these positive words in my head help me stay very positive throughout this entire process. I just ask that everyone who reads this prays that I just keep this positive attitude strictly by maintaining my focus on my loving God.